Mother's Passing

My mother passed away the day after Christmas. Being a new parent, I'm left wondering what it was like for my mother raising a son as a single parent. My wife and I agree it's not easy to raise kids. At times during the first four months we felt like it would be hell if we didn't have each other for support. Maybe that is why in those early years it seemed my mother wasn't the most loving of parents; she didn't have love and support. Both my grandparents, who lived in Ohio, she in Kansas, passed away in the first two years of my life. My father denied his contribution to my existence. She was a divorcee who had lost custody of her previous children. She didn't have much family nearby. I felt loved as a toddler.

She eventually remarried; I was adopted by her new husband, and she had three more kids. We were a poor family, my parents did what they could to provide for us. But things must have been tough for my mom, she didn't seem like a happy person. What always sticks out for me from my memories were rages and venom from my mother. These of course are not my only memories, but the ugly ones involving my mother outweigh the good ones. She didn't seem able to communicate her love for us very well. She never seemed to express sarrow for any pain she caused her kids, in which we may not have been able to reciprocate for her. I'm making sure that doesn't happen with my children.

My mother must have done a good job raising all us kids because I think we all turned out okay. I don't feel any of us holds a great amount of animosity toward our mother. We all seem to have been able to make our peace with her before her passing. Maybe my journey through parenthood will give me some new insite as to who my mother was.