He's not a baby any more

It became obvious at the beginning of the new school year that Charlie is no longer a baby. It was like overnight he had grown six inches and could talk and run and jump and had grown a head of hair. For me the transformation came with pulling out his winter clothes, they're tailored more after adult fashion than infant styling. He's now wearing jeans and boots, so he looks older. But other people began to make note of the transformation as well. They would comment about how he is not a baby anymore, he's a toddler all grown up.

He'll be two years old in a couple of weeks. It is amazing how your perception of time is changed by having a kid. It can have a duality. There is the time you equate to the passing of your own life, what you perceive to be short or long passages of time. These are usually in blocks in relation to developmental stages or significant markers in life. Then there is the perception of time in relation to watching your kid grow up and how much time you will have with them in all their stages of life.

Ten years have passed since I graduated college. I fell that not much has happened in my life since then. There have been many events; a couple of job changes, more schooling, marriage, the birth of my child. But developmentally not much change has occurred. I'm now definitely considered an adult, or old by youth standards. Now compare that to what will have happened with Charlie in ten years. He will have learned to speak in sentences, learned to read, learned to play games, develop friendships, explore interests/discover hobbies, he will have finished elementary school, finished or at least started puberty, In essence he will have become a whole different person at least twice over as he becomes an adolescent and then a teenager. And some people think there might be other stages like preadolescent and preteen. In essence he will have outgrown his parents and ready for independence. Oh well, I still have ten years.

Summer Heat

Summer is half way through, we have returned from all our travels. Now we prepare for the mother in-law to move in. The reality of it has not hit us very hard. We have been too busy working to get the house ready to speculate what our life will be like in a month. I have actually found a pleasure in becoming a true DIY (Do It Yourselfer). I've had to fix the bathroom floor, replace a bath sink, flip the door, put in new cabinets, paint and patch the walls, install new light fixtures, install a new floor, and install fixtures. And that is just one room, we still have two other rooms to work on to prepare for the mother in-law. If the mother in-law becomes a focus of stress, I'll probably find new home projects to gain relief. Bring on the skylights.

Charlie has picked up some new tricks. "NO", he got that one from his cousin. Fortunately he uses it primarily on the dog. The distracting technique is not working on him as much, so fits of crying have increased. And what a climber he has become. He has entered the realm of two year olds and he still has four months to go. I guess I can say he's advanced for his age.: )

Spring

Wow! Two months since my last post. I've been busy.

With the arrival of Spring I have been busy doing work on the house and getting outside with Charlie. He loves to be outdoors. He's learned about blowing dandelions and watching the seeds float in the air. His favorite activity is chasing Roxanne, but at this point there is not much chasing, he gets excited when Rox runs and waddles after her. His will is becoming a noticeable force. He lets you know when he wants something, and when he doesn't get what he wants. The flip side of this though is his blooming of understanding. He is learning to communicate with us and when he realizes he gets positive results from his attempts he is quite happy. When he doesn't get the favorable results, that's when the displeasure sets in for all.
He has learned the sign for "please" as well as "more". He is working on "help" and "water". His vocal skills are coming along as well. "Ball" and "bye, bye" are the most obvious. But he has a pretty good "peez" for "please". Plus his babbling is a regular thing. To sit and watch him is like watching someone conversing with others. He uses cadence and fluxuation, as well as laughter; he can be very expressive.
It truly has been a Spring of growth.

Black & White World

Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World

"Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature colors and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern.

It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure."

-Henri Nouwen


This is the meditation for March 27th. It reminded me of some musings I had jotted down a couple weeks ago.

Our society has been shoved into a black & white, right & wrong, world. Be it from the media and politics. We are assualted from both of the extreme ends of the spectrum. These are the only choices presented to us, no middle ground (and heaven forbid even the thought of working TOGETHER for compromise.)

To take it a step further, to choose one is to determine which end you live with, because your choice determines all choices. Thus to choose a conservative, right wing, christian view such as opposition to abortion is to say that you are not "pro-choice". By this standard I am a conservative, right wing, christian or a republican for short. Which means I side with repression over hedonism, hetero over homo, tradition over progression, religious over secular, morality over ...STOP!

You can see where I am going. We are given only extremes and then we are told that the opposites are wrong. I'm a firm believer in moderation. I like to live in the in-between, because I want to experience the many facets of life. But I do not want to get lost or consumed by the extreme ends that are blind to the value of the all.

I have views and opinions on all the issues I have alluded to, but I try to understand the other side. I value their opinion, because they can reveal something I may be blind to.

Politics is War

I've been thinking about the political climate in our nation. It seems to have escalated into a full blown, take no prisoners, win at all costs, war. Use propaganda to twist the truth to make your side look good. Focus on the positives, ignore the negatives. Hire mercenaries to do the dirty work. Proclaim your cause as that of one for Righteousness and Justice. Allie yourself with whomever will make victory certain, because that is what is important above all else. Identify all who oppose you as the "enemy". For best results associate your enemy with Satan, or for a broader base of support, evil. Paint a picture of armageddon. Divide and conquer.

This seems to be the political climate in our nation. What happened to a nation built with the tools of debate and compromise for the preservation of our Union, for the greater good of the people?

Irresponsible Journalism

I read the Op/Ed section of my local papers, as well as a few others online. I firmly believe in the open exchange of ideas and opinions. I tend to lean toward agreement with liberal columnists, but I find some value and merit in the conservative viewpoint. When it comes to free speech, I believe we, as individuals, become the filters for what is to be heard and allowed. We can choose to screen ourselves from that which we do not agree with, or can cause harm. But to ignore that which can be damaging to our society or community is irresponsible. It is with this in mind that I wrote the following letter to my local paper:

To the Editorial Board of the Mount Vernon News

From Shawn & Helen Svoboda-Barber

I am a firm believer in Freedom of Speech, but I am also a believer in responsible journalism. I leave myself open to read the viewpoints of others who I typically would not agree with. In the past six months since we moved to the area I have received your publication and read your opinion/editorial page regularly. I have found through my own observation that the number of columns and letters you publish do not favor left or right, liberal or conservative, you tend to publish equally left or right columns and letters.
I unfortunately feel that I have to draw the line when you choose to publish a column that reflects irresponsible journalism. Any column that promotes fear of a segment of our population based solely on religious background is irresponsible. I believe the Cal Thomas column published in the Thursday January 20, 2005 edition of your paper does just that. He takes a plot in a fictional TV program and items pulled out of context from a book by a terrorist expert to weave a column of fear toward an entire religious group. Columns like this one are the kinds of things that fan the flames of hate and fear in our nation.
Cal Thomas’ column is the type of column that drives people to plot violence against Islamic people, such as the case when Robert Goldstein plotted to bomb a mosque/Islamic education center in Florida. His writing sensationalizes his argument, he does not provide distinction, or define any difference between Islamic people, who live in our country peacefully, and radical terrorists.
Cal Thomas may have a valid point in his concern for homeland security, but his writing does nothing to help further the discussion of the topic. How productive can generating fear and hate be, unless your goal is to drive violent crime rates up? On a side note, you are more likely to suffer from a violent crime then be a victim of a terrorist attack.

I am herby canceling my subscription to your paper.

Sincerely,

-Shawn Svoboda-Barber


My wife and I were not planning renewing our paper anyway. I felt the need to respond to a column that did nothing to further the discussion of homeland security or terrorism. It merely laid the notion that islamic people in our country are here to raise money for terrorists and attack us from the inside, and something needs to be done because the government isn't doing anything about it. The only suggestions he has is to read the book (wish I would have kept the title and author of the boo) and watch the show 24 on Fox.
I enjoy 24, but I realize that it is fiction.

Lent

This year for lent I decided to try and incorporate exercise into my daily life. Before having a son I exercised regularly, 3-6 days a week. When he was born I decided to semi-retire from my routine so that I could work on being the stay at home dad. Now that I have been doing that for over a year it's time to try and incorporate exercise back into my life.
The reason I make it a lenten discipline is because exercise was typically a time of reflection, a time of meditation, a time of prayer for me. Plus, when you start exercising again, sometimes you need all the help you can to get you motivated and keep you motivated. I also need to do all I can to stay healthy. Being the spouse of a priest, we don't bring in major "moolaa". With the current administration, who knows if there will be any type of support for us when we get older. It's sad when we as a society can make advances and learn better ways to live and raise our children, but then, as a community or society, we do not use this knowledge to further advance our society. We have an administration that does not seem to believe in evolution but sure believes in survival of the fittest, or survival of the "richest".
You would think that from my post I am a democratic secularist. I'll set the record straight. I am a christian, of the Episcopal variety, who has a post-modern mind. I do not feel a lot of compassion coming from the republican party, but I'm not a registered democrat. I do not think that people of faith can or should seperate their ideology from their political action. That is why seperation of church and state is so difficult to maintain. Simply put, it is to keep the two entities from controling each other and to preserve peoples right to practice their own religion. But if our religion truely represents our belief system it represents the idea of how to live your life. It contains your value system. If you act conter to that value system, then you are acting conter to your proclaimed religiouns' beliefs.
I look to Jim Wallis as a good example for appling christian values to political action. We need to have a discussion first, to find some common ground and find what we can agree with. Then move out from there.

Up Late

It is amazing how each day can be different, when it comes to raising kids. For no apparent reason, my son was full of energy when we tried to go to bed last night. He had taken a couple of naps during the day but they were only a couple hours each, nothing unusual for him. We followed our typical bedtime routine of getting ready brushing teeth and reading a little outloud, and even tried his lullabye music. But he wanted to play more than usual. So I got up with him for an hour or so more so he could burn off some energy. He showed a little fussiness after awhile so we tried bed again. No luck, he still wanted to play. Back up we got and played for another hour or so. We finally got to bed around 2am. Needless to say, we didn't make it to church the next morning.

Now I'm up late again, this time, the dog.

Mother's Passing

My mother passed away the day after Christmas. Being a new parent, I'm left wondering what it was like for my mother raising a son as a single parent. My wife and I agree it's not easy to raise kids. At times during the first four months we felt like it would be hell if we didn't have each other for support. Maybe that is why in those early years it seemed my mother wasn't the most loving of parents; she didn't have love and support. Both my grandparents, who lived in Ohio, she in Kansas, passed away in the first two years of my life. My father denied his contribution to my existence. She was a divorcee who had lost custody of her previous children. She didn't have much family nearby. I felt loved as a toddler.

She eventually remarried; I was adopted by her new husband, and she had three more kids. We were a poor family, my parents did what they could to provide for us. But things must have been tough for my mom, she didn't seem like a happy person. What always sticks out for me from my memories were rages and venom from my mother. These of course are not my only memories, but the ugly ones involving my mother outweigh the good ones. She didn't seem able to communicate her love for us very well. She never seemed to express sarrow for any pain she caused her kids, in which we may not have been able to reciprocate for her. I'm making sure that doesn't happen with my children.

My mother must have done a good job raising all us kids because I think we all turned out okay. I don't feel any of us holds a great amount of animosity toward our mother. We all seem to have been able to make our peace with her before her passing. Maybe my journey through parenthood will give me some new insite as to who my mother was.

Free iPod Offer

There is a website that is trying a new marketing technique by offering a free iPod to people who get friends to try offers from internet companies. I'm trying this out. I have a friend that has already received his free iPod from the website. All you have to do is go to the link below and sign up.

http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=9924922

Trying to find your footing in a changing world

I am a new breed. I am a stay at home dad. Recently, as in July, I moved far away from all that I had known and grown up with. I followed my wife to her new job. This change was only one in a year that saw many changes. I became a father for the first time. I had to give up two jobs I enjoyed. Add to that all that has changed in our world around us, I feel like I am navigating life in a foreign world. I decided I needed to try some of the things changing in our world, ie weblogs. So as I raise a son in this new and changing world I hope to keep family back home abreast of life in Ohio. Where not in Kansas anymore.